005: Reflecting on who we are, and are becoming

Embarking on a journey into the unknown was nerve-wracking and wildly exciting at the same time. Born and raised in Sydney, Australia, moving to Canada was never on the cards for me. No romanticizing or endless nights thinking about living on the other side of the globe...but life unfolds in the most unexpected of ways—and as each day continues to go by, I cannot help but let go of my own expectations of how I want my life to be. Responding spontaneously and trusting my ability to welcome new challenges, conversations, friends, teachers, mentors, and projects has been a focal point of the last twelve months. Learning to surrender to the textures, waves, and contours of life, I learn to navigate a path less travelled.  

Taking my summer break down in Seattle, Washington has given me some time to sit with my own thoughts and reflect more intentionally about who I have become and what lessons have transpired during the course of my first year as a PhD student in educational philosophy. Having the chance to cultivate a way of life that allows me to embody what I research and study with educational practice means that I live in a very ‘integrated’ way. Nothing is separated. Who I am—is infused into the sites of teaching and research that I occupy. How I think—is projected on the dialogue that I share with students, friends, and colleagues. What I act on, or not act on—is continuously defining my way of life and how I live day to day. My question to you dear reader: Are you aware that these aspects have a profound impact on self, others, and humanity more broadly?

The interconnectedness of humans, the more-than-human, and the cosmos means that we are situated within an interdependent existence. Our actions, individually, become collectively influential on how our world is. Relationships, worldviews, political regimes, economic trends, educational matters, and so on…are a cumulative reflection on the micro actions and decisions from each of us. Like the butterfly effect, a small change in one part of a system or community can lead to a large, non-linear effect in another part. We may not be able to foresee these changes, but there may be many ripples under the surface that are continuously moving, with a chance to create wider social change.

In my life's work, I am earnest about intentionally bringing awareness to how we form who we are in learning ecologies and the influence this has on students. Part of this endeavour means continually reflecting and contemplating on my inner landscape. Questions that I have come to ask myself over the years are:

• What philosophical mode of life am I choosing to engage with?
• In what ways is this projected onto my pedagogical practice?
• How does this affect student learning and relationships?
• In my daily work as an educator, am I giving intention, and attention to living in alignment with my beliefs, actions and speech?
• Can I respond in a way that is more compassionate, empathetic, and sustainable?

*N.B. These could be adopted to your own profession and discipline; for example, there may be clients or supervisees instead of students.

These questions are not always easy to answer. To admit of myself that at times, I do fall short of being someone who is empathetic, or act in ways that may not necessarily be constructive to developing relationality with students, is challenging. However, these questions allow me to show compassion to myself in times of disappointment, suffering, and criticism; it helps me realign my decisions on a path that is virtuous, sustainable, and wise. It is a life-long, life-wide, and life-giving process, one that offers clarity and awareness to who I am, and am becoming, as a human and educator. 

What has become resoundingly evident through my reflections on these questions during my doctoral journey is the moral responsibility that I have to my students. My moral duty as a teacher and educator to pay attention inwardly at the condition of my inner life is a key aspect of cultivating this relationality. This is because we project our beliefs, conditioning and dispositions—all the parts of who we are—onto the curriculum, pedagogy and students. I would also be willing to say that this can be true for those in other jobs, positions, or environments. We project our beliefs, conditioning and dispositions—that us, who we are—onto our policies, procedures, interactions with customers, clients, and colleagues, and daily work or life decisions. Often we remember how people and events made us feel; this is why customer service remains an important part of hospitality industry. How do you make yourself, and others, feel with your words, actions, and beliefs?

By creating spaces and moments to contemplate, we cultivate a sensitivity and awareness that may not be possible in the busyness (and business) of the y/our daily life. By seeing the interdependent nature of life and how intimately we are connected, we may be more inclined to bring a conscious effort to be more mindful and cognizant of how our inner life is projected onto our external actions. I keep re/turning to the following passage from Philo of Alexandria, which French philosopher, Pierre Hadot included in his seminal text, Philosophy as a Way of Life. Assigned as one of the first readings in my doctoral journey, which also happened to be my first text in philosophy some few years ago, I am continually reminded that the art of living is something that is to be done in every instance of life. The tension to uphold such a virtuous life, is not one of luxury—but an endeavour born out of necessity to deal with distress, anguish, and woe—learning how to bathe in joy and equanimity; to see light in the darkness, to find happiness in pain, and to find love amidst suffering. 

As their goal is a life of peace and serenity, they contemplate nature and everything found within her: they attentively explore the earth, the sea, the air, the sky, and every nature found therein. In thought, they accompany the moon, the sun, and the rotations of the other stars, whether fixed or wandering. Their bodies remain on earth, but they give wings to their souls, so that, rising into the ether, they may observe the powers which dwell there, as is fitting for those who have truly become citizens of the world. Such people consider the whole world as their city, and its citizens are the companions of wisdom; they have received their civic rights from virtue, which has been entrusted with presiding over the universal commonwealth.… It is obvious that people such as these, who find their joy in virtue, celebrate a festival their whole life long. To be sure, there is only a small number of s u c h people; they are like embers of wisdom kept smouldering in our cities, so that virtue may not be altogether snuffed out form our cities. 

—Pierre Hadot, Philosophy as a Way of Life, p. 264 □